My Feeble Attempt at Humor!
by Alena1
Summary: Snape gets a few things off of his chest, as well as Draco. Expect the unexpected!
1. Sevvie From the Block

***Author's blab: I am just writing this randomly, to let out a few chuckles. I don't know if many of you will understand or share in my sense of humor, but please, bear with me! Also, I didn't think of this earlier, a friend of mine suggested that I write a fanfic, and I thought that it would be interesting to just write whatever comes to me as it comes to me. Fun, fun, fun!***  
  
  
  
~*~In the Great Hall at Breakfast, Dumbledore and Snape are talking.~*~  
  
Dumbledore: I understand what you're saying, Severus, but you simply cannot do it. The students would be scared. Some may even go into hysterics.  
  
Snape: Perhaps you are right, but how else shall I deal with this problem?  
  
Dumbledore: You will simply have to improvise. I cannot allow it.  
  
Snape: But Headmaster! They are so uninformed! They don't understand what I'm about. They just think I'm some evil, heartless goon!  
  
Dumbledore: No, Severus. I will not permit it.  
  
Snape: *a little too loud * FUCK YOU! *jumps up onto the table * AHEM! Can I have everyone's attention please?  
  
The students, who were already kind of quiet and staring at him because of his sudden outburst, remain so for fear of an immense deduction of house points. Harry, Ron, and Hermione look on with curiosity, somehow managing to keep a straight face at the sight of their professor in such a flustered state.  
  
Snape: Some of you seem to think me evil. I know well that very few of you like, or in any case, appreciate myself and what I have done for you. That is why I must set a few things straight.  
  
Dumbledore: Severus, this isn't nece...  
  
Snape: NO! SHUT UP YOU! YOU WON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME! *turns calmly back to the student body* Now then. Allow me to begin!  
  
Harry watches as Snape brings out his wand, points it at his throat and says "Sonorus!"  
  
Oh great, he thought, now we get to suffer him over breakfast AND we have Double-Potions next. He had no idea what was coming next, but if he had, he would've brought a camera, I'm sure.  
  
Snape: *singing * Don't be fooled by the tattoo that I got, I'm still, I'm still Sevvie from the block, I used to be a Deatheater, but now I'm not, and no matter where I go I still know where I came from!  
  
When he finishes, the whole remains silent. Finally, somebody gets up enough courage to do something.  
  
Neville: *really loud * That was stupid! Snape is a stupid-head, Snape is a stupid-head! *throws a rotten apple at Snape *  
  
The whole hall takes up the chant, and soon, all of the food on every table (even Slytherin) is flung in Snape's direction.  
  
Dumbledore: Well that wasn't what I was expecting.  
  
Snape: *crying * THEY HATE ME DON'T THEY! *turns to the students, who have run out of food to throw * *still crying * YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE! I HATE YOU TOO! NO! FUCK YOU! AND YOUR MOTHER! *runs out with his face in his hands *  
  
Harry, to Ron: Well that was different.  
  
Neville is still chanting "Snape is a stupid-head".  
  
Ron: Shut it, Longbottom.  
  
Neville: *whimpers * WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO MEAN!?!?! *runs out in the same stance as Snape *  
  
Hermione: This is all a dream, just a dream.  
  
Just then, she sees Draco Malfoy headed in their direction.  
  
Hermione: Oh great...here comes Satan himself.  
  
Draco: Hello, Hermione.  
  
Hermione: Since when are we on first-name terms, Malfoy?  
  
Draco: I'm hurt. Don't you want to talk to me?  
  
Hermione: What is it you want?  
  
Draco: *quietly * I needed to ask you something.  
  
Hermione: *impatiently * Well what is it?  
  
Draco: Can we talk in private?  
  
Hermione: This had better be good.  
  
She follows him out of the great hall and into an empty classroom. Already suspicious, she begins to really wonder when he locks the door behind her and places a silencing charm on the room.  
  
Hermione: What is this about, Malfoy? Because if it is another of your stupid tricks I really don't have time for....  
  
She stopped in mid-sentence when she saw what he did. Why is he getting down on one knee? she wondered. Surely he's not going to... But she didn't have time to finish her thoughts before he began to speak.  
  
Draco: Hermione, I know I've been cruel to you in the past and that we may never be the best of friends, but I cannot live another day without you knowing. Hermione, I love you. I have loved you ever since Second year. Calling you a mudblood was only my way of covering up these feelings, in hopes that you wouldn't find out. I hope you can accept my apology for that, and I also hope that you would willingly accept my next offer. I am asking you, Hermione Granger, to be my wife. Will you marry me?  
  
Hermione managed a weak "yes" before fainting and falling to the floor.  
  
Draco: Well that didn't to the way I expected it to.  
  
  
  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
  
I know, I know. Ridiculous, and even a bit fluffy. But I had to get it out of my system! I couldn't help it! If you love it, let me know! If not, tell me why so I can never, ever make that mistake again! Well..not really, just let me know whatcha tink! R/R!!! 


	2. Intermission Teehee

***Author's Blab: YAY! Thanks to all of you who have reviewed so far! I got a couple of requests to continue, so I suppose I will. Anywho, this is just going to be a sort of "interlude" if you will. It will be the connection between Ch1 and Ch2. Don't expect greatness, its just a sort of bridge! I'm writing Ch3 when we get home from the store this evening. I'm going to try to be funny again. Maybe it will work, who knows?***  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Among all of the chaos, what with Snape singing a J.Lo song and Draco and Hermione disappearing, Harry and Ron had been forgotten, and hadn't said a word through any of it. They were perhaps the only two who didn't join in the chant of "Snape is a stupid-head!" 10 minutes earlier. No, they sat there quietly and watched as Snape performed, shouted his profanities, and ran out. They waited in silence as Malfoy came up to Herm and asked to talk to her in private. Now it was their turn to speak up.  
  
  
  
Ron: Did you see that, Harry?  
  
Harry: *still wide-eyed * How could I miss it?  
  
Ron: I suppose you have a point there.  
  
Harry: *coming to his senses * I don't know about all of this, Ron. It seems to me like Snape is scheming something.  
  
Ron: Bloody Hell! We're better hurry or we'll be late for Potions. It's double today, is it not?  
  
Harry: I believe.  
  
Ron: Shit.  
  
Harry: *glumly* Tell me about it.  
  
But to everyone's surprise (and great joy), Snape didn't turn up for Potions. Now usually, in the absence of a teacher, and especially this one in particular, you could expect to find the students wrecking havoc. Not in this case. Everyone was still so stunned by Snape's episode in the Great Hall, that other than a few paper-wads being thrown from Slytherin to Gryffindor and vice-versa, nothing very eventful went on.  
  
When they all went to lunch, Snape didn't turn up there either, and when they asked Fred and George, he wasn't anywhere to be found for their lecture either. Now Harry, for reasons unknown to himself or anyone else around him, was starting to get worried.  
  
When Snape didn't turn up for Dinner either, Harry had made his decision; he was going to go looking for him. He checked all of the hidden rooms in the castle that he could remember by heart, and he checked outside and all around the Lake. He even went a ways into the Forbidden Forest before turning around and coming back to the castle again. It was then that it dawned on him. Surely Snape didn't sleep inside of his office? He had to have some type of chamber. But where?  
  
Then it hit him. The Marauder's Map. He dashed upstairs as fast as possible and opened his trunk where the map lay on top of his father's cloak. He wondered if he would need it as well. Yes, he decided. Snape probably wouldn't want to find him lurking around in his quarters, especially without permission. He then grabbed up the cloak and the map and headed for the dungeons.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, nobody had seemed to notice that Hermione and Draco hadn't turned up for anything either. They were all so busy chattering on about Snape that they had completely forgotten. Now, Ron finally notices something. He decides that he is going to try and find Herm. He runs up the dormitories where he saw Harry disappear earlier and is about to ask him to come along and bring the map and cloak when he sees that Harry is not there. He sees that Harry's trunk has been left open and he decides to investigate. Upon further "investigation", he sees that the map and cloak are also missing. Now he's starting to get worried. He decides that he's going to go looking for Harry. 


End file.
